I didn’t think that she thought I was serious about
what I had said and wanted to really drive it home that I was serious, and fed
up being the only one trying to find solutions to our problems (me, the most
broken one). So, I went on Facebook and changed my relationship status to
‘single’. Sure, it was probably not the most mature thing I’ve done, but I was
angry beyond any way I had ever felt before. The next morning there was big
drama about the whole thing, I remember that much. Not my proudest moment, I
regret doing that. I don’t generally have a problem with regret –I’m not one of
those people that say: ‘I have no regrets’ –fuck, of course I do! Sure I
learned from them, but I would rather have not had them at all in some cases.
It is human nature to have regrets.
I have to say that I don’t remember large parts of
those few weeks and that month or so. I think it was after a month or so that I
felt that things in my life were coming together and that perhaps me and her
would have a better shot at it now that I was a bit more ‘together’. Since
January Mom and I had been thinking of ideas to ‘get me going’ –some kind of
business or something. I had lost interest in the field I was in before, and
did not see myself pursuing a career in that path. We had often eaten at the
M&A restaurant down the road and knew the owners (Nick and Maria) well.
They were looking to sell and move abroad. From the start I was against the
idea, a restaurant was not the kind of business that a stroke ‘victim’ would
want to (or should) get into. Mom, however was interested and suggested we at
least look at it. The more we looked at it, the more it seemed that it might be
a viable option. The restaurant was mildly profitable, and did most of its
trade during breakfast and lunch. The staff were competent and knew their jobs.
Closing time was relatively early as restaurants went -20:00. Problem was, I
knew nothing about restaurants. Nick was adamant that I could learn (obviously
I guess), and that it was not that difficult (ha!). He also said that I could
spend as much time as I wanted working with him in the place to learn. They
didn’t want a fortune for it as they seemed as though they wanted to get out
ASAP. Maria in particular had had enough of the industry. I could understand it
–they had a small child (Tario) and growing up in a restaurant was not what
they wanted for him.
So, I duly started spending time in the restaurant
with Nick. He was quite shrewd and he knew how to make things work with many
different tricks of the trade.
I had in the meantime been visiting John and his
brothers and sisters at Johan’s place to try to get to know the guy, and at six
weeks I brought him home to stay with me. He was the cutest little guy ever,
like a small little fury black bear. I took many photos of him, one cute one of
him I had him in a dinner plate on the table –he was so small! I spent a crazy
amount of time with him, basically all day every day. If I wasn’t at a therapy
session of some kind I was with him, either sleeping or playing. He really
carried me through some very dark times, he was always waiting for me when I
arrived home and was always loving and comforting to me. What a legend. I took
him to puppy class twice a week on Wednesdays and Saturdays, although we only
really were supposed to go once a week. I house-trained him in the first week I
had him at the house, a clever pup.
Learning the restaurant trade in one month was going
to be a real challenge –I wasn’t so sure I would be OK. It was quite hectic
spending so many hours at the shop, but I eventually got used to it. I got to a
point where I thought things in my life were ever so slowly starting to come
together. I thought at length about [girlfriend] and our issues. I really
honestly thought that we might have a better chance now that I felt stronger
and now that I had a business to get going with. I decided that I wanted to ask
[girlfriend] if she wanted to give our relationship another try. I met up with
her on a couple of occasions only to find that she was quite a different
person, not really interested in trying with me again. I asked her if she could
give me a ‘percentage chance’ of if we might get together again, and she said
there was none. I was quite distraught and didn’t want to give up that
easily. I wrote her a long letter putting all my feelings and love into it. In
the letter I described how amazing our love for each other was, how much fun we
always have together, and how I was feeling stronger about life in general. I
also said in the letter that this was my final ‘throw of the dice’ and that
after this I would consider us finally finished and would not try anything
again. I met up with her (after much begging and pleading –‘too busy’) and
convinced her to read the letter in my presence. The letter had no effect on
her. Zero. I had put my heart and soul into that letter, I wrote it from a very
deep place. There was no reaction. That was it –it was over.
Back to M&A. The number of different facets in
the restaurant business is truly something scary. From making food and drinks,
to managing your relationship with the franchise, to customer relations, and
staff issues, there was all kinds of shit going on. I spent as much time as I
could in the bar and the kitchen, the places that I thought, logically, could
make or break a restaurant. Learning about the different suppliers was a
challenge; they all supplied different things at different prices on different
days. For a person with short-term memory problems this was tough! Nick helped
with this in that he put together stock sheets for various suppliers for
various days. After four years in the shop, Nick tended to remember it all in
his head. I needed the sheets though, for sure. The shop was mostly organized,
with suppliers knowing what was what and the staff doing what they had been
doing for 4 years. After around two months, on 12th May I formally
took over the shop. I still had to find a manager, but the shop was mine. I
owed a shit-load of cash, but was confident I could start paying it off soon
(immediately). The first few months were difficult, but I learned a lot.
During this time I had met this girl, [puppy class
girl], at puppy class. I always saw her and her sister there and did some
snooping to find out who they (she) was. The class instructor said that they
were the ‘Burger’ family. I searched Facebook and the web to try to find this ‘[puppy
class girl] Burger’ but I found nothing. One week John was really ill and we
couldn’t go to puppy class. To my delight, I got a voicemail from [puppy class
girl] asking about John and if he was going to be OK. She had gotten my number
from Di the puppy class trainer. I thought it was pretty funny how I was trying
to find a way to ‘contact’ her and then John being sick causes her to contact
me! I jumped at the chance and we texted back and forth a little. We arranged
to have a coffee or ‘something’ at Doppio Zero in Fourways. She suggested that
we go in one vehicle as we both live in the same estate –I was happy to play
taxi.
I picked her up at her place and we had a nice
meet-up at Doppio. After that we met up again when she invited me for dinner
and a movie at her house. Her sister and her boyfriend were there and we had a
nice dinner and movie. Nothing really happened that night between us –we were
both playing it cool. I think it was a couple of nights later that I was at her
house and upon leaving we finally got to that first kiss. From then on we never
really spoke about ‘being a couple’ or ‘going out’ there was never anything as
official or as formal as that, but we both seemed to know we were an item as
such. This was in stark contrast to [girlfriend], to whom labels and titles
were always very important (girlfriend/boyfriend/fiancé, etc.). These things
have never really been that important
to me, although I do see the value in them.
